Anime and Manga funny quotes

 Anime and Manga funny quotes

"dynamic entry" -kicks jiraya-

-gai sensei

"naruto, i think i'm starting to fall in love with you"

-kakashi sensei

“Noooo, there’s no way I, a mere handsome and sexy shopkeeper, could possibly have bankai!” — Urahara Kisuke

“Hold on. So in my mind, this jacked-up, sideways ridiculousness is the normal state?” — Kurosaki Ichigo

“I see. So basically, you’re a Death God? And you came all the way from some place called Soul Society to vanquish evil spirits? Which means that monster earlier was one of those evil spirits? And it attacked that little girl? Okay, I belie– NO WAY I’LL BELIEVE THAT, DUMBASS!”

– Kurosaki Ichigo

I'm Glad I'm Short, Then Ed Tripping About That Ain't Right - Edward

"When I become Fuhrer, all female personnel in the military ... will have to wear mini-skirts!!" - Mustang

"WHO DID YOU SAY WAS A MICROSCOPIC SHORT BEAN THAT DOESNT SHOW UP IN YOUR EYES?!" -edward

"Behind this mask is...Another mask! Pretty cool, huh?"

-Kakashi

"Uh, Naruto...That speech was cool and all, but if you lose any more blood, you're gonna die."

-Kakashi

"I am, Jiraiya, the epitome of manliness! I shall fall for no woman's wiles! When you're me, you only need to flash that sexiness to have women fall at your feet."

-Jiraiya

Gai: "Lee let me give you some Nice Advice! I don't think anyone has noticed yet,...but that gourd looks very suspicious."

Lee: "I see..."

Gai: "Put that notepad away! You won't have time to look at that thing during the match."

Lee: "I see..."

Kakashi: "He JUST noticed that?"

"Why you dirty bastard, if I wasn't tied up in your tongue right now, id sock you in the stomach!"

-Naruto (to Orochimaru)

"I'm not JUST a pervert...I'm a SUPER-PERVERT!!"

-Jiraiya

"Lee... Lee... LEE! LISTEN TO MY WARM WORDS! *hits Lee*

-Gai

"*thinks* Ebisu sensei's a closet pervert?"

-Kakashi

Kankuro - "I like you, you're interesting."

Naruto - "I don't like you, you're not interesting"

Kankuro - *thinking* "I hate him.....I'll kill him!"

"Just Die! You have no talent at all!"

-Jiraiya

Gai: "Lee!!"

Lee: "Sensei!!"

Gai: "Lee!!"

Lee: "Sensei!!"

[hug against beautiful BG of sunset and waves]

Black Lagoon 2 Anime:

• “What a terrible story. But appropriate for our world. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking over a giant pile of shit.
Morality and justice don't really suit me. Words like that and what comes out of asses are surprisingly similar.”

Boogiepop Phantom Manga:

• “If a single clown could change the world, then I want to be a clown too.”
• “There are some egoists who think other people are just an extension of themselves.”

ef - a tale of memories Anime:

• “Because she learned about happiness, she feels lonely for the first time. And because she knows unhappiness, she understands happiness for the first time.”
• “Miracles don't exist in this world. All that exists are accidents, inevitabilities and the actions that one takes.” That's Himura's favorite phrase, isn't it? But sometimes the outcome of your action, which become inevitable, will overlap with accidents, and fulfill your dream unexpectedly. I don't know if that can be called a miracle, but there's one thing I'm certain about. Nothing will happen if you don't wish for it.

Elfen Lied Anime:

• “All the children here are miserable. When you are miserable, you need something that is even more miserable than you to feel good about yourself.”

Kanon 2006 Anime:

• “Is it really too late? Isn’t there any chance of you recovering?!”
“It may if a miracle happens, but it’s called miracle because it doesn’t happen.” “It’s called a miracle, since there is a chance of it coming true.” “Maybe you’re right.”

Maria X Holic Anime:

• "Thankfully, my heart is like the ocean; deep and without limits."

Suzumiya Haruhi Novel:

• “What on earth was my subconsciousness thinking!?”
• “However, as always, this girl was thinking up all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I can't help but wonder if there's a white hole inside her head, since her common sense seems to come from a different universe altogether.”
• “A localized, non-corrosive amalgamation of asynchronous space is independently occurring in restricted condition mode.”
“Even if you're speaking with phrases that make it seem like you just pulled words out of a dictionary and lined them up after they caught your eye, I, having no dictionary, am helpless.”
• “What're you doing here then?”
“What else would I be here for? To illegally enter the premises, of course.” “Don't openly declare your criminal intentions like that, there's a limit to being shameless!”
• "What would be nice? Hotpot? Sukiyaki? Crab is a no-no. I can't take it. Picking the flesh out of the shell drives me nuts. Why can't crabs make their shells edible? How come they didn't do anything about that during the course of evolution, might I ask?" 
"That's exactly why they evolved shells! They don't undergo natural selection in the depths of the sea just for the sake of your stomach!"
• "That computer already belongs to us. There's not much fun in reclaiming what's already ours, find something else to bet on!" 
"For some reason I was moved by Haruhi's words, she can always find a way to turn any illegally obtained object into her legal possession. Does she intend to become a professional thief?"

Toradora Anime:

• A dog's happiness is measured by how usefull he is to his master.

Trigun Anime:

• People who sin say that they had to, to survive. People who sin say that it's too late to stop now. The shadow called Sin dogs them steadily from behind, silently, without a word. Remorse and Agony are repeated, only to end up at Despair. But what sinners don't know, or what they have forgotten, is that there is a light, a light which keeps shining on them ever so warmly. A light that will never fade.

Tsukihime game:

• "Vampires don't move about in the daytime, so you'll be on guard for real during the night."
"...Do you realize you've just said something that completely contradicts your existence?"

Welcome to the NHK Manga:

• “They think they are generous, finding joy in feigning kindness while looking down on others.”

What a Wonderful World Manga:

• "When you hold your dream in your hands, it's just reality."
• ">Yes<; You qualify as a human being if you can say this word regardless of your own will."

World Embryo Manga:

• “So I woke up, and the world in front of my eyes was neither heaven nor hell, it was reality.”

"Good morning Espada. We're being attacked but first... lets have some tea." - Aizen xD

"Yo. Long time no see" - Kenpachi to Tousen xD

"When you're in high school you should be doing things, about which you could never tell your parents!" - Isshin xD

"Ishida: You are... Pesche Guatiche?

Pesche:[Thinks] Impossible. He remembered my name even though I only said it once. [Loud] A-And you're Ishida Uryuu!

Ishida: That's right [Smile]

Pesche:[Thinks] He smiles. Is he... [Loud] Do you love me?

Ishida: What?! Why dou you think I love you! Are you stupid?!

Cirucci: Shut up! What that white ant want? Are you a termite or what?

Pesche: What? How dare you call me a termite?! Call me a beetle or something cooler.

Ishida: I don't see any difference.

Pesche: There's huge difference! A beetle is black, shiny and looks cool.

Ishida: Yeah, but you're white.

Pesche:You're the one to talk. Yore dressed white.

Ishida: Because I like white colour. I'm proud of my clothes being white.

Pesche: You're proud of white clothes? It sounds like laundry detergent commercial." xDD

"PAAANNNDAAA!!!" Shinra-sama (They are my noble masters)

 "My favorite words are D-Cup!"-C.T. Smith: Zombie Powder

I'm not gonna die, I'm just gonna see if I was ever alive ~ spike (cowboy bebop)

Life is like solitaire. The last one standing wins ~ vincent (cowboy bebop)

Lessons Lesson...always follow the stranger ~ Ed (cowboy bebop)

Gintoki: Why are you hiding your eyes like that? Have you been up all night playing tetris?'

Gintoki:

''That´s a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world'' (Itachi parody)

Gintoki:

"Listen up! What we need is this! Yes, calcium! If we have enough calcium, we can do anything! Trouble with tests? Fighting with your parents? Some girl you like? Odiferous nethers? If you have enough calcium, all of these can be solved!"

Gintoki: "Every since childhood we've dreamed of being pirates. We're looking for the fabled treasure they call "One Pack", right Zura?"

Katsura: "Not Zura, it's Captain Katsura." (One Piece parody ^^)

Gintoki stopped by a metal detector: "Could it be that this can even detect the blade of the soul?"

Gintoki-*staring at his hand in the toilet when there wasn't any toilet paper left* "Do u know why people have 2 hands? thats because..."

Gintoki:

"Listen up! Let's say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. But it's cold outside your bed. You don't want to get up, but the urge to urinate is just too strong! You make up your mind to go! You run to the bathroom, stand in front of the toilet, and let loose! You think that all your life has led to this moment! But then you realize! It isn't the bathroom, you're still in bed! That feeling of lukewarm wetness spreads like wildfire! But you don't stop! You can't stop! That's what I'm talking about! THAT'S THE TRUTH OF THE STRAWBERRY MILK! DO YOU GET IT!?"

Gintoki: When a woman says something’s cute, a man just can’t trust it.

Student: No way! Your cigarette smell will spread.

Gintoki: I've told you, this isn't a cigarette. It's a lollipop!

Student: Lollipops don't smoke.

Gintoki: I'm telling you, it's just that it's soooooo lolilolilolied that it smokes. Come on, girls. One of you loan me your whistle. I'll lolly it up.

Girls: NO WAY!

Kagura: "You don't need a driver's license to hit and run!"

Katsura: "Eyebrow Zombies..How about we call them Zombrows?

Gintoki: "Shut up, scum."

Katsura: "They're not scum!" "They're Zombrows"

Gintoki: "At this rate, we may be the only sane ones left in the kabuki district. Isn't there a way to get out of this mess Katsura?"

Katsura: They're not Katsura, they're Zombrows!"

Gintoki: "Crap the Zombrows found- eh?!

*Katsura looks very satisfied and Gintoki kicks him in the face*

Gintoki:" And what are you so happy about?! You seriously piss me off idiot"

Katsura: "Gintoki, I won't forget that, you said it you call them "Zombrows" it's decided they're called Zombrows!"

Sacchan: Everybody okay? We got everyone?

Gintoki: one, two, three, four, five, six..Yeah that's everyone.

Shinpachi: no..wait a minute. Six people? Count one more time please.

Gintoki: I'm telling you it's okay. Me, you, Kagura, Zura, Sa-chan, Hasegawa-san. You see ? six people.

Shinpachi: Hold up! Hasegawa-san is this? This is a pair of sunglasses, right?!

Gintoki: That's right! Hasegawa-san is a pair of sunglasses.

Shinpachi: That's not what I meant! All that's left of Hasegawa-san is this pair of sunglasses!

Kagura: That's right! Madao is only a pair of sunglasses!

Okita: "Wow, the Commander sure is popular. The ignorant masses follow her every where she goes -fall off a cliff and die, Hijikata you bastard."

Hijikata: "What's up with that song? It sounds like it's making fun of us -get beaten up and die under protection, Okita."

Okita: "That's called being overly self-conscious. It just sounds like a sweet love song to me -go to the next world by gas poisoning, Hijikata."

Hijikata: "It feels like our image is just going from bad to worse -fall off a cliff and die Okita.

Okita: "What do we do if there's a terrorist attack? We don't have our swords -soak in hot water and boil to death, Hijikata."

Hijikata: "I don't care anymore -moomin. Let's kill Okita."

Okita: "Die, Hijikata."

Hijikata: "Die, Okita."

Okita: "Die, Okita...oops, messed up...Hijikata."

Matsudaira: "Anyone who wears sunglasses is an assassin."

Kondou: "If we're not careful, Sougo will become a sadist."

Hijikata: "Oh, it's too late for him. He's already Prince of the Planet Sadist."

Gintoki: "My hands' a hook; I can only be a pirate or a coat hanger now!"

Shinpachi: Gin-san, this isn’t looking good.

Gintoki: Yeah, I know. It’s not good to be reading Jump at my age.

Kagura: That’s true, the onigiri you roll taste terrible.

Shinpachi: I don’t mean either of those! I’m talking about this!

Gintoki: Our checkbook?

Kagura: Ha! Don’t make fun of me. You can’t eat a thing like that!

I'm not just a pervert...I'M A SUPER PERVERT

by: Jiraiya (Naruto)

"What can you protect, if your only weapon is your emotions."

by: Kira Yamato (Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny)

"There are things people can't accept, even if they do understand them."

by: Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny)

I told you! I'm the man who can make the impossible possible!.

by: Mu La Flaga (Gundam SEED)

"Therefore I will be the God of the New World"

by: Light Yagami (Death Note)

If I sit like a normal person my investigative abilities would be half as effective.

by: L Lawliet (Death Note)

The ocean is so salty because everyone pees in it.

by: Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

Why do women have butts on their chests?.

by: Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

If i get reincarnated.... i wanna become a clam.

by: Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)

Onizuka's penis is bit by a snake

Someone. Suck the poison out!...Fuyutsuki-chan. I beg you! Suck it out quickly!.

by: Onizuka Eikichi (Great Teacher Onizuka)

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, from East Junior High. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all!"

by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on the planet?"

by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Celebrating Mr. Jesus's birthday(Christmas) was fun, why don't we celebrate Buddha's and Muhammad's birthday next time?"

by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Sometimes I get the feeling that we're all just a bunch of clowns standing on our tiptoes at the edge of a great abyss."

by: Koizumi Itsuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"We believe that God exists and he exists because we exist."

by: Koizumi Itsuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Problems that cannot be solved do not exist in this world."

by: Yuki Nagato (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"It's amazing how much you kiss your own ass"

by: Kyon (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) (he really did say that)

"I'm stupid, I'm an airhead, I'm an idiot...just like Tamaki" by: Hikaru Hitachiin (Ouran Host Club) "The aura of offensive smell has come to such a strong extent that you can even see it!!" by: Misaki Ayuzawa (Kaichou wa Maid sama) "He's like the only ray of hope in a school full of dinosaurs!!" by: Sakura (Kaichou wa Maid sama) "What does he want with me? I'm just a mere chicken passing by!!" by: Kyoko (Skip Beat) "Im actually a hardcore otaku who likes maids more than having three meals in a day. And I only read books related to maids. Also, I only visit maid cafes. Of course I also collect maid figurines. I play games which feature maids and it turns me on so much that I’ll wear the maid uniform and jump in joy." by: Usui Takumi (Kaichou wa Maid sama) "Listen midget! I'm going to curse you and make you shrink 1 cm everyday, and in only 156 days you'll vanish completely!!" by Koizumi Risa (Lovely Complex) "What? I'm not her dad?!" byTamaki Suou (Ouran Host Club) Nagihiko: Guys, this could be a trap Yoru: If it means I get to see Ikuto, I'll march right into any trap (Shugo Chara) ""if you go one step ahead of me i'll make you cry" by Zero (Vampire Knight) Kaname: Do you want to be my friend? Aido: .....No (Vampire Knight)

Tamaki: "We need to find a way to motivate her."

Mori: "Fancy Tuna."

(Ouran Host Club)

"Dont you know it's rude to grow mushrooms in other people's closets?!!"'

by: Fujioka Haruhi (Ouran Host Club)